Well...most of you know that trust issues have been a part of my relationship for quite some time. I understand the saying 'the past is the past,' etc. but you never know how long it will take your heart to heal.
The boy and I started over about a year ago, a new found spirit and going to church together. Then he got a job that requires weeks and months of consecutive travel, not easy on anyone. Needless to say, we tried. The trust issues got too big and the distance between us did not get smaller. He's away now more than ever before and it left me irritable, sad, and worried. When I saw him, things were good - but you can't have a relationship where you only trust someone when they're with you. And unless you're attached at the head it's damn near impossible! I can definitely say that I saw this coming. I pray for doors to be opened, doors to be closed, inner peace. This will definitely be a sad thing to end it, but I believe more relieving than anything else. To be released of the burden of calculating someone's every move....it's exhausting. You think you love someone so you try to hang on to it, you try to work through it. But in this case - the job situation isn't changing and it's hard to work on trust by yourself. Also, you can't rely on anyone for your happiness....they or me or you could be gone in the blink of an eye.
All these things I understand. Through the ups and downs of life I just want to learn and to be able to see the positive in it. I am excited to find what makes me happy NOW and do those things. I am happy to say my relationship with God has gotten stronger, and I feel, will only continue to grow. When you obey him he blesses you. An unhealthy relationship every day of your life sucks the life out of you. It's nothing the boy did or didn't do - I think simply there's just no trust there.
If our situations change in the future we're both open to it. Right now I am just interested in letting my heart heal.
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